Trans Contemplation

For me, it started with sports. Look, I've "identified" as a Classic Liberal for as long as I remember. Part of that means offering whatever support I can to people who are put down and kept out by the predominant culture. I try to recognize the shadow of bigotry in myself and to seek the light of compassion instead. In school, and in life, I've sought out friendships with people who were not Protestants, not straight, not liberal, not American because I wanted to understand. I learned a lot. I hope I learned some empathy. I hope I did some good. 

But, I lived a long time before I met a person who identified as trans. I'm going to call her Laura. She was in the middle stages of her surgical transition. I'm not sure what the appropriate language is: Meds working, top done, bottom pending? Laura was homeless and gentle and shy - frightened even. I can only imagine the experiences behind that fear. We never became friends. Mostly, I just spent time sharing space with her at the Y where I'm on staff. She never tried to use the women-only spaces: rest rooms or locker rooms, but her presence in the men's locker room and showers, even the co-ed sauna stirred up some disapproval from the other members. My initial response was to dismiss their ignorance and prejudice. But, as a leader of the organization, I have a responsibility to make a safe place for everyone who enters the door. The staff talked it over and we decided to offer Laura the use of our special needs dressing rooms. Those rooms are private, and offered her a place where she could dress and bathe and have some dignity without being the object of scrutiny and judgement. I don't know if that made her feel stigmatized. I hope it made her feel like we cared about her. 

I wish I'd gotten to know Laura more. I think she could have taught me a lot. But I wanted to respect her privacy, and to be honest, I was probably a little scared of her. I can't explain why. Maybe I was more scared of myself. I don't know. But I do think of it as a missed opportunity.

I want to think my classic liberal compassion manifested itself in my small part in offering hospitality to Laura. I hope I would do so again, and do it better. I expect to always find room in my heart for others, no matter how far they are from my own experience. 

And then came the athletes. 

Bigger bones and muscles. Bigger lungs and hearts. Post-pubescent, athletes whose birth genetics had evolved to enable them to perform at a higher level, physically.

Athletes with penises and testicles claiming the right to dress and shower with athletes who were born and continued to think of themselves as women. Trans people live with unique vulnerability. So do women. Look, I was an actor in low-budget theatre companies for many years - I know all about co-ed dressing rooms. What I don't know, what I never thought to ask, was how the actresses who were forced to strip naked in front of me felt about that situation. I promise you, I was looking. And imagining.

I just don't know. I don't know because I want to be open-minded. I don't know because I've never really made friends with someone who believes that their soul and their gender don't match. I don't know because I'm ignorant. 

But something about men competing with women in strength and speed based sports seems unfair. And something about exposing naked women's unique vulnerability to the presence of a person with exposed male genitals seems equally unfair. 

Should people have the right to discover and express their true selves when that expression does no harm? 100%. I believe it with all my heart. But does my right to express my true self extend to the point of threatening another person's vulnerability? I don't know. Sometimes, it does. People who express bigotry ought to be made uncomfortable. Criminals' freedom should be threatened. Corrupt leaders' unique vulnerability ought to be exploited and exposed. I just don't think the people in this conversation fall into any of those categories. 

I need to learn more. Life has taught me to be skeptical of "self-evident' truths. So I'll keep asking questions. Doing that with honesty means I have to be ready to hear answers that change me. Maybe I'm in a kind of transition myself.

I recognize that my conflict has me tipping dangerously toward the conservative side of the question here. It's ironic that Professional Conservatives nowadays have gotten so much mileage out of mocking snowflakes and the need for "safe spaces." Yes, it is important to challenge ourselves and one another. But we all deserve dignity. We all need to feel safe sometimes. 

Life is hard enough with your clothes on.