Saying My Beads

The Rosary was never a part of my religion when I was growing up, but it was always a part of my life. Our neighborhood was almost exclusively Roman Catholic, and in the late afternoon, the older folks used to go to  their quiet corners and pray the Rosary. I saw them everywhere, but I was probably 20 years old before I even touched one. I loved the feel of it.. The smoothness of the beads, The light, but barely perceptible weight. The gentle discipline of the circle. The rhythm of the beads as they flowed from 10 to 1 to 10 again. Much later, after I had joined an Episcopalian church, I learned how to say these ancient and simple prayers. When I pray the Rosary, I feel connected to God. I also feel connected to all the people across the world, across the ages who have ever "said their beads." at the beginning or the end of the day. It is a true act of communion to pray the Rosary.

Traditionally, the prayer is a devotion to Mary. The Hail Mary is repeated again and again. Each row of 10 beads is called a decade, and there is a specific mystery upon which you meditate for each decade. Another part of the tradition is the flexibility of the prayer. St Francis changed the Rosary from 5 decades to 7 so he could meditate on a specific set of mysteries from Mary's life. The Rosary I use is one of these Franciscan Crown style, and while I often pray the traditional prayer, I have recently taken to including other subjects for my meditations.

Yesterday, I prayed for myself. That I might find God's will for my life at work, at home, in my community, in my family That I might grow in my spiritual life. That I might increase in wellness. Today, I prayed for others. For Mrs P. For the people at the Y and church. For my fellow survivors and fellow runners. For the animals I have known and loved. For my friends, my sisters, my mom. I had lit incense before I started praying out on the back porch, and as my fingers walked slowly along the string of beads, my thoughts rose like the smoke. In my imagination, I see that smoke travelling across the miles to touch the people I love like the Holy Spirit, the sweet, life-giving breath of God.

The words of the prayers, the circle of the beads: these are the discipline of the Rosary. To begin is to make a commitment to the devotion. I'm not sure I've ever started one and not finished it, though I have lost my place from time to time, and even nodded off to sleep. My fingers know the path, and my heart follows. As I make my way out of the recent darkness where I found myself, I will travel this ancient road, a little wooden bead at a time, back toward light and faith. Remembering Francis. Remembering his faith and child-like devotion to his heavenly Father, I try to trust God to guide my prayers and my life. It isn't always easy to trust, But having a few simple rules to start the day helps to focus my spirit a little. I choose the rules of the beads. They begin and end at the cross of Jesus. I pray that the same may be said of my life.

Peace,
Pennsy

#219: Evening Prayers

Lord, you awakened me tonight with a burning heart, not for my own suffering, but to remember those I love and who love me. Thank you for the chance to lift up your children in prayer on this holy evening.

Bless my wife M tonight. Her sleep is so deep and restful, yet she stirrs at a sigh from one of her family, caring for us though barely awake herself. Grant her your peace and strength as she continues to hold us together. Help me to minister to her, even as she blesses me each moment.

Be with Mum tonight. These are difficult nights for a mother, unsure of her son's fate. Even as your own blessed Mother suffered with you, she suffers. Grant her your comfort and peace tonight. We know that our every moment is in your hands. Help us to trust one another to your care and grant us peaceful rest.

Bless D, BJ, C, T, A, M, C, M, T, and all in my family who sleep with cancer in their beds tonight. keep them safe from the anxieties of the night that would rob them of their rest, and shake their hope in your salvation. Lord, the night is long, but your love is longer.

Merciful God, do not forget those who are seeking the help of your doctors and healers. Guide our judgement and grant us good counsel so that you might be glorified through our continued lives. Be with us when we meet, grant us strength to lift one another up in laughter and in prayer. Nurture our hope. Feed our faith.

It's a lot to ask, God. I don't usually like to be so demanding when we talk like this, but there's a lot to be done, and I have made promises. Bless R and J and P as they struggle under burdens that are so unfair and seem so cruel. I don't know if this is your fault or not, but I know that your blessings are sure and your mercy is sufficient to give comfort to us, even when it feels as if all creation is against us. Please keep their hope alive.

Be with "Fadda T' as he ministers to your children. We are an unruly bunch, often difficult to manage or understand. bless him with your wisdom as he seeks to be our good priest.

There are others on my heart tonight, Lord. Names I know and names I've forgotten. For C who is afraid tonight. For K who is so angry. For D who doesn't know what's going to happen to her husband, or to her if she loses him. For R who, for all I know is awake and praying for me right now. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised. You know what they need, God, though I don't. Cover them with your protection to give them peace tonight. Tomorrow's troubles can wait for tomorrow.

For myself? I'm not sure what to pray for myself. Help me to live. Keep me faithful. Let me act again. Guide my steps so that my life as a survivor will be more full of meaning, of purpose, of LIFE than the one I have been living. Make me a good husband, son, friend. Lord, continue the mighty work you are doing in my life. I want to be your man. In your time and by your grace, I beg you to make it so.

Thank you for all the blessings of this life, and most especially for your love. Teach us to love as you love us.

And finally, I ask a special blessing on all who share these words tonight. We come together in fellowship here, drawn by things we may not understand. But whatever brings us, we have the opportunity to love and know one another better in this place, and in so doing, we come to love and you. Be present here with us, Lord, and when we part, go with us that we might take the light you give us out into the world.

I ask a lot, but I ask in the name of the one who gave all, my savior Jesus Christ.

Amen

Peace,
pennsy

#218: "I Prayed for You This Morning."

That's how he greeted me, the tall, handsome preacher with whom we share our early morning radiation appointment. He and I were both awake early this morning. Difference was, I was thinking of myself. He was thinking of me. Mrs P and I have come to know several folks in the morning.

There's the couple who are only two days away from their last treatment. He goes back, she smiles and chats about their farm and how long they've been married and how much she loves him.

There's the fellow who comes by himself. He has an ugly looking open sore place on the back of his head. It looks painful, but he is always laughing and joking.

Then there's the lovely lady whose oral cancer was so bad that they had to remove most of her gums. She had her chemo changed yesterday because the side affects were hurting her so much.She felt much better today, and I was relieved to hear it. She always follows right after me to the treatment room, and one morning she gave me a high five on her way past. It was the highlight of my day.

I don't know most of these people's names - the man with one ear, the man whose jaw is missing, the lady who sits quietly waiting for her momma every day.  We don't know one another's names, but we know our stories.

Those stories are what binds us. Always, always it is our stories that bind us.

And this morning, he prayed for me. That is his story. His pain leads him to the sufferings of those he loves, though he barely knows them. Today, I'm praying for him, the handsome preacher and his beautiful wife. We share a diagnosis and are on very similar treatment plans. He and I began and will finish at nearly the same time. Our side effects seem to run parallel, and our good and bad days even coincide sometimes.God bless him. We are walking a dark road, but we are walking together.

That's our story.

Peace,

pennsy

A Prayer of Rememberance

It is a foggy, drizzly morning in the Bluegrass. So unlike most of the mornings in this drought-stricken year. So unlike that morning whose stories always seem to include comment on the clearness of the blue sky.

I'm glad for the rain. I'm not ready for another clear sunny September 11th just yet. There is still too much hanging in the air, too many still crying from the ground for crisp autumn skies on this of all days.

I was too young to remember the deaths that punctuated life in the sixties, the "where were you when..." moments of that generation. But I will never forget the moment my country seemed to change forever.

I pray today for families lost, for killers and victims, for sponsors and targets. I pray for the redemption of forsaken souls, and the healing of broken hearts.

And I pray for my country. I was born here by accident of fate. She is what she is and we, her people are what we are. The debt I owe her, I did not take on, but it is mine nevertheless. It is the debt any child owes to the mother who gives it life and nourishment and a compass for finding right and wrong on life's highway.

My country is not always right and she is not always great, but she is mine. She has enemies, foreign and domestic against whom I am duty bound to protect her. Since she gave me life, honor requires that I give life to her as well by adding my strength and knowledge and judgment, such as they are, to those of my neighbors as we work together to make our country a stronger, wiser mother to her children and a better neighbor to the nations with whom we share this planet.

Such is the work of America's sons and daughters. It is work that does not end. It will not go away. But it will wait for a day. Today I pray for the lives unlived, the dreams undreamed and the promises unkept. I pray for the courage of those who worked to save, rescue and recover. I pray for all who were touched by what fell from the sky that morning.

In short, I pray for the world today. Dear God, please keep us in your mind and your heart this day and everyday. We want to live so well. Yet we can get so lost along the way. Be our strength in times of weakness, our courage in times of fear, our compassion in times of anger, and our mercy when all we desire is the blood of our enemies. Unless the Lord build our tower, vain is our labor. Lord deliver us from vanity, from meaninglessness. And please, most merciful, heavenly Father -- grant us your peace. All this I ask in the name and for the sake of the one whose spirit not even death could hold in the ground, your son, our savior, Jesus Christ.

Amen.