We need your best, not just the best you can do

This is a post I've had rattling around my imagination for a while. If you're following Fat Man Running , then you know that I have made some changes in my life -- changes that I hope will become permanent. The idea in my title is one of the things that I hope will keep my commitment alive.
Mrs P and I were sniping back and forth a few days ago - (yes, sniping can strike even the best of families) - and I was griping about the way she will complain about a thing like a pain or an old glasses prescription for months without doing anything about it. This makes me nuts.

Before I go on, I should tell you that there are two important parts of this argument. First, I was absolutely right. She does do that and it does make me crazy. Second, I do the same d@mn thing which makes me pretty vulnerable when I try to call her on it.

I resolved this conflict in classic American Male style by making it as forcefully and as loudly as I could. The advantage here is that my Bride can't get a word in edgewise - the disadvantage is that I will invariably say something so incredibly stupid that it dwarfs the original offense. Here's how I think it went...

"Why didn't you take care of X last summer when it started bothering you?"

"There were other things to worry about."

"Like what? What could be more important that X?"

"The cats needed meds, Molly needed tests, I was looking for a job, we were trying to sell that old car, your depression was getting worse..."

"But don't you see how dealing with this back then would have made all those things easier? You act like everyone else is more important that you are."

"Well, they are."

"Well, we need you. We need you with X. You're no good to us without X. We need you at your best, not the best you have at the time."

OK, if you have lived with someone for any length of time, you know that the only part of that last line that anyone hears is the part about "you're no good to us without X". That was a really stupid thing for me to say because a) it is not true, and b) it obscured the actual insight that I managed to squeeze out at the end.

Doing your best is just not good enough. Not when the best you have is a sliver of what it could be if you were a better steward of your own life.

I know that your house was decimated by last night's storm and you need help cleaning up, but years of cynicism and personal neglect have made me a lazy, unpleasant person who would do more complaining than working, so I'll stay home and pray for you. I wish I could do more, but that's the best I can do.

That might be honest, but it is worthless to your neighbor and to God.

I would love to tithe to support the church or the poor or the Children's Museum or whatever, but I have piled up so much credit card debt that nearly every penny is accounted for. I wish I could give more, but this is the best I can do.

Yeah, right. Look - if Mrs P needs me and I'm confined to my room because I stopped taking my meds or I've drunk myself into such a state that I can't stand up - rolling over and moaning, "I'm sorry Baby, I love you." isn't giving her my best. She isn't getting anything. I will have wasted the strength and health and intelligence that God gave me so I could be her partner. Those parts of me that should have belonged to her, I have chosen to spend elsewhere.

When she needs my best, I won't have it. All I'll have is what's left -- the remnant I call "the best I can do".

Well I don't want her to have to settle for the best of what's left of me. When my wife needs a husband, I want her to have my best. When the people I manage need a leader, I want them to have the best leader I can be. I want my employer to have my best, not just the best parts that I didn't trade for a few bottles of Rolling Rock the night before. I want the animals who rely on me to have my best. My neighbors, my community, my family - if I really value these people, I will make sure that when they need me, they will get the best God gave me -- not just the best of the parts that I haven't used myself.

So that's why I'm going to the gym. Not so I can "treat myself better", but so that when someone needs the best from me, I will be able to give it.

The life God gave me was a gift. The way I've treated that life has been a sin in many ways. I live today under judgment as a consequence of that sin -- but sin always hurts more than just the sinner. People need me to be better than I am today. My loss is their loss too.

When I eat something stupid or don't drink my water or skip stretches or stay up too late, then I can't walk as far or as fast on the treadmill as I need to. When I hit the red "stop" button while gasping for air, my lungs burning and my chest pounding after half a workout - I haven't "given it my best." I gave my best to David Letterman or Krispy Kreme. The gym just got what was left over.

Jesus' life requires more of me than the best that's left. If I want to be a Christ-like husband, neighbor, citizen, and friend, then I need to be ready to give the best just as Jesus always was.

Jesus went off by himself to pray. I go to the gym. I learn new computer programs. I listen to tapes and pick the brains of successful managers who have more experience and wisdom than I do. I put down the laptop and actually pay attention to my wife once in a while. The road to my redemption is paved by doing the work of restoring the best I can be.

Peace,
Pennsy

Here's an intriguing post from Paul M. Jones on why "Do Your Best" is such a lousy way to manage people.

And Joe McCarthy out pennsy's Pennsy with this existential musing about doing your best vs. trying to do your best (among other things.)

Making Corrections

So, it turns out that it is “Forest Walk”, not “Alpine Walk” which would presumably involve steeper climbs, more cheese, and a family of cloying children, their grumpy Pappa, and their beautiful stepmother singing “Doe, A Deer” to her ostrich head umbrella.

I also learned how to adjust the maximum height to make the trip more of a gentle slope, so that went well. I still got my heart rate up to 163 which is a little high, but not that far afield of my usual walks.

On the weights, I increased the loads by 10 lbs and also added some new machines. So my weight training now consists of

Cable curls
Cable pull downs
Leg extentions
Leg curls
Close grip Lat pull downs
Chest presses
Flies
Shoulder press with barbell
Ball Squats.

And no, thanks for asking, I can’t think of a funnier name for an exercise than “Ball Squats.” This photo from myfit.ca is not of Pennsy. Pennsy is much taller. My trainer (his name is Jordan, I don’t think there’s any reason to keep calling him “My trainer”) taught me to put one of those big exercise balls behind the small of my back, lean against the wall, and do squats with a wide, forward stance. This apparently protects my knees from the damage associated with traditional squats. It also burns my thighs like crazy. It is by far the silliest and most difficult part of my workout.

On the bright side, since I only have to lift my own body weight, it should get easier the more weight I loose, right?

Today was a great workout. I ate right, sipped lots of water throughout, and felt a good kind of exhausted when I was finished. More “used up” and less “worn out” if the distinction makes sense.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about why I’m going to the gym. I may carry that conversation over to Pennsyltuckian. That’s where I do my meditating. Over here, the Fat Man keeps moving.

Peace,
Pennsy

Weekly weigh in and an early shower.

OK, so the incline thing on the treadmill was a good idea - jumping into one of the preprogrammed courses was maybe not.

I chose “Alpine Walk” which turns out to be a program that gradually increases the incline until the midpoint or your walk at which point you are at level 7 which must mean something to someone, but to me it just meant “ouch”.

I set the program for a 2 mile walk and actually made it half way before I had to stop to ease the pressure in both my lungs and my bladder. By the time I returned, the program had timed out. I finished the workout on a flat course which was fine with me.

The best news came after the exercise when I went back to the scale. I finally admitted it to Mrs P today, so I guess there’s no use hiding the truth - I weighed in last week at 405 lbs. Someday maybe I’ll blog about how that made me feel. Today it felt great when the beam stopped bobbling and my weight was 393. Losing 12 lbs in the first week is a great start. I know there are a lot more pounds to go, and they won’t all fall so quickly, but I really was encouraged----and a little stupid. i think I was dehydrated.

Drinking water is going to be important. I don’t remember it mattering so much when I was a kid, but I am decidedly not a kid. They gave us salt tablets and let us drink water as a reward. The trainer says that your body needs water to help it burn fat. I didn't know that. But mine sure needs water to keep my brain from turning to mush. Mrs P had to drive us home.

I don’t know if it’s imagination, but it seems to me that I can feel the consequences of how I have taken care of myself during the day when I hit the gym. Did I drink enough water? Skip a meal? Eat too much junk? go to bed late? When the answer is yes, then my performance at the gym is not so hot.

I guess the trick is remembering that at the beginning of the day. I really like doing well at the gym, and that is going to mean living better all day long.

Of course eventually, going to the gym will be so I can live better outside, but for the time being, heavier weights and longer distances will be my path to a better life.

Cool.

Peace,
Pennsy

The video is from 78MAN who is my new hero on YouTube. If you love old disks, check out his channel.

Back on The Horse

Felt good to be back after taking last night off. Maybe it was a cold, maybe skipping a meal (and sneaking a couple cookies in the afternoon). Whatever it was, I made last night my one day off this week. I’m trying to get six sessions in per week.

The weights still seem light at the beginning, but then I’m remembering the testosterone filled days of my youth when we puffed and yelled and encouraged one another to bench press the cement filled Sears bar-bells in the basement. This is a different kind of lifting for a different reason. Back then we were trying to get laid. Now I’m just trying to stay alive and out of the nursing home.

And by the end of the last set, they don't feel so light anymore.

The treadmill was a little bit of a struggle again. I trotted at 5 mph for about a minute, but running is still too much for my hips and heart. I love being beside someone who is running, and really want to join them, but not just yet.

i was thinking that maybe next week I’ll stop pushing the speed and try adding incline. That may be a challenge I can shoot for. I have a little twinge in my lower back today, and I’m concerned that it may be from trying to walk so fast.

I’ll try to get to the scale in the office today for a weigh-in. Every scale seems to be different. The one in the locker room says I’ve lost about eighty pounds since my weigh-in last week.

Doubt it.

Peace,
Pennsy

The Fat Man Walks

Last night, 4 miles in an hour. Tonight, weights and -- uh, well -- half a mile at 4.5 mph.

I may have burned myself out last night, or I may have just run out of gas because I worked through lunch. I should have stopped to eat. Now I know.

The weights still feel a lot like work. I won't embarrass myself by admitting how light they are. I just wish I could do my pull-downs without imagining the skinny little aerobics girls laughing behind me as they pile on more plates after I leave the machine.

I'm a little bummed about gassing on the treadmill tonight, but it still feels great to be moving.

I'll do better tomorrow.

Because last night felt really really good.

Peace,
Pennsy

'Neath the cold Kentucky Moon

Today I did cardio and strength training together on my own for the first time. This felt like a work-out!

The gym has a very popular class on Monday nights, so the treadmills were all occupied when I arrived. I intended to warm-up with a walk first, then lift, but switched it around.

The exercises my trainer gave me are simple and the weights are very light, but then I haven’t lifted weights for about 25 years, so starting slow seems like a good plan.

When I finally got to the treadmill, my heart rate was already up to 143, I walked a mile at 4.5mph. It felt like two miles, but then I’m not used to going that hard. If I go any faster, I'll have to run. I don't think my joints are ready for pounding just yet.

I’m doing better at talking to people - chatting up naked strangers has never been my forte -- everyone is friendly, but I think the regulars are waiting for the New Year’s resolution crowd to shake out and see who stays.

I’m determined to be one of them.

The shower felt great and when I arrived home, I was greeted by the kind of full moon that can only happen on crystal clear Kentucky winter nights. It wasn't the Blue Moon Bill Monroe sang about, but it kep' on shinin'just the same.

Peace,
Pennsy

Good Good Good Weekend

Came home from work on Friday feeling a little sore and tired, so I gave myself permission to take the night off.

Next morning, Saturday, the heel blister had toughened up and I felt much better. Frigid temps came to the Bluegrass at last. I spent almost half the morning in the gym.

I had my first consultation with a trainer yesterday. Sobering, to say the least. Turns out I underestimated my weight. Oh, well -- it will just make the “after” picture that much more impressive.

My trainer talked to me about nutrition, then taught me a strength/resistance routine. It isn’t much, but I could definitely feel it by the time we were through.

Mrs P (check out her new blog) had the car, so I walked some more on the treadmill till she picked me up. Got home, took a brief nap, then worked on the house for a few hours. Good to be productive. Good Good Good.

Today, I worked on a log for most of the day. (Charlie says a log is a big help) I’m doing it in Filemaker Pro for fun and to keep my chops up on the program.

Made it to the gym 25 minutes before closing and knocked out a mile at 4.4 mph. My fastest sustained walk of the week.

It will be a long time before anyone else can see improvement, but I can feel it already. I’m glad I lived to see it.

Peace,
b