Do I Want That? Or Am I Just Thinking About It?

     Been spending a lot of time thinking about... well... thinking about thoughts, actually. I've been considering the stream of consciousness that is the river of my life. As I navigate my little boat along that stream, thoughts float by constantly, like litter in the water. I can ignore some of them. Others I have to navigate around. But many stick to the sides of my vessel for a while, traveling along with me, before the water pulls them away and I am free to sail on again.

     Sometimes these thoughts are pleasant, and I'm sorry to see them go. Happy experiences and joyful memories make many parts of my journey a delight. But other times there are painful thoughts, memories of failure and shame, regrets, old hurts, damaging words about myself or others. These can also cling to the hull of my boat, slowing me down, distracting me from my course, even monopolizing my attention if I let them. Sometimes they can cling so tightly that it is hard to know where my ship ends and the garbage begins.

     The thing I try to remember is that no matter how firmly it sticks, the litter is not my ship: likewise, my thoughts are not me. They are just words. Thinking "I'm a failure" doesn't make it true. It might seem true sometimes. I might even build up a mountain of evidence to support it. But it isn't real. It's only a thought; one that will come and go from time to time like a branch drifting along in a river. It isn't me. And it doesn't define me.

     I've been contemplating this principle for some time now, and have been considering some more practical applications. I've started observing my desires as they float toward me, and asking myself, "Do I want that? Or am I just thinking about it?"

     One simple example: I've gotten into a strange habit. When I climb out of bed, one of my first thoughts is, "I am so tired. I'm going to need a nap later today." What a strange thought to have after a long night's sleep. Today I woke up after a restful night's sleep. My first impulse was to hit the snooze button. I had a water fitness class to teach, and a two mile run on my schedule. "I am so tired," I thought to myself. "I'm going to come home and pass out." That nap stayed on my mind all through my hour in the pool. Afterward, at my locker, I considered skipping the run and just going home. I could always run later. "No, I've packed my shoes and shorts. I'll just get it done." Instead of bailing out, I had a great run, enjoying a beautiful morning. When I got home, I went to my bedroom to unload my wet clothes and hang them up to dry. The pillow beckoned, soft and cool. "Wait a minute," I thought to myself. "Am I tired? My eyes are open. My thoughts are clear. My muscles feel strong and limber after a morning's exercise. Why do I want to go to sleep?" I realized that I really didn't. I was just thinking about sleeping. I finished hanging up my clothes, poured a cup of coffee, and sat down to read and write for a while. Instead of sleeping away a gorgeous morning, I was doing things that made me feel great.

     The second example is a tough one for me. "Am I hungry, or am I just thinking about food?" There's a Facebook meme that says, "You're not hungry, you're bored. Learn the difference." I admit that I do sometimes eat just to have something to do, but often I eat because I have food on my mind. I've noticed that at the end of a long walk, I start thinking about food about ten or fifteen minutes from the house. "What should I cook? What should I buy? What's in the house? Why not just stop at the Rite Aid and pick up some chocolate?" It's a habit: a pattern. It isn't my stomach asking for nourishment, it's a mental picture of a luscious bar of dark chocolate floating down the river past my boat. And much too often, I find myself reaching down into the water and picking it up instead of just letting it float on by. 

     It's a challenge, but I have found that I can make this kind of thinking work in my emotional life. I have a feeling or thought and ask myself, "Is that reality, or is it just a thought that will pass?" I've managed to avoid slipping into depression using this technique several times in the past few weeks. Now I'm wondering if I can do the same thing with other behaviors and desires.

     Am I really hungry?

     Am I really lonely?

     Am I really broke?

     Will my knee hurt like this for the rest of my life?

     Or are those just words; just thoughts floating down the river that will come and go from time to time? Are they just words: ideas to be accepted, acknowledged for what they are, and then left behind as I continue moving toward the goals and values that give my life purpose, meaning, and joy?

     It's been working with depression. Will it work with ice cream?

     I'll let you know.

Peace,

Pennsy

God Bless You, Old Lion

There's a slogan I've been seeing a lot on Facebook lately. "The lion does not trouble himself about the opinions of sheep," or words to that effect. I find it arrogant and disrespectful. I have pretty low self-esteem, but even I can't imagine how badly you have to feel about yourself before you find comfort in the thought that you are the lone, brave, strong creature surrounded by flocks of cowards and followers. And the Lion deserves better.

I was born under constellation of the Lion at the end of a hot July in Pittsburgh. I've always been inspired by the fire of the Lion. The sharp eyes. The rippling shoulders. The sandy color. The strength. Devotion to the Pride. I've always wished I could be more like the Lion of Summer.

But today is March 1, and there is another Lion on my mind. Ferocious. Powerful. Deadly. And dying. Whenever I picture March coming "in like a lion," I never see the mighty hunter, leader of the Pride, dreadful and courageous, standing on a rise roaring out his claim on everything he surveys. The Lion of March is an old lion. A few weeks ago, he could freeze the world with a low rumble from his mighty chest or a puff from his nostrils. Not long ago, a swipe of his giant paw brought whole cities to a standstill. Today, he is still dangerous. There is still power in those broad shoulders, but there is grey under the chin. His vision is still sharp, but he has to squint a little to see into the distance. There is still power in his stride, but he rises stiffly. He is still the King. But no longer the King he once was.

Last night, I was feeling pretty agitated. I had left the house early that day with an ambitious list of tasks... things that I had chosen and that mattered to me... and seemed to hit roadblocks at every turn. Procedures. Attitudes. The things I wanted were so simple. The people I needed to help me were so unwilling. Finally, I went home, too angry and frustrated to trust myself in public. I know when my temper is close to boiling. I start swearing to myself. I've learned that if I don't get away from people pretty quickly once that starts, I end up saying things that are stupid and cruel.... sort of along the lines of "the lion does not trouble himself..."

So I went home. Locked the door. Grabbed the ice cream. Screw it. I'll get drunk in a minute. Right now, I'm going to eat. Whatever the hell I want. As much as I want. I don't care.

I was angry. I wanted to hurt someone... so I decided to hurt myself.

I really don't know what changed my mind. I've been working on a new habit. I've been keeping a food diary. So without really thinking about it, I took the open half gallon of Mint Chocolate Chip and the spoon and walked to my computer to log them. Curious, I entered the value that would add the calories, fat, sugar, from half a gallon - 8 cups - of ice cream. And I stared at the number. Just under 3000 calories. Just about what I burned during my last Marathon. Was I really that angry? Did I hate myself that much? Enough to erase a Marathon's worth of progress in a 20 minute binge of self destruction?

It wasn't the sheep's opinion I had to worry about, you see. It was the lion's. It was my own opinion.

I put the carton back in the freezer. Chopped some peppers and onions. Cooked some beans and rice. Printed the workout I had decided to put off till the weekend.

After supper, I went to the gym. Treadmill. Weight room. Stationary bike. Almost two hours worth. Around 1600 calories burned. As I walked out into the corridor, drenched, with my clipboard in one hand and my empty water bottle in the other, my soaked towel draped over my head, a woman said something to me that I didn't hear. Headphones. I pulled them out and said, "Sorry? What?"

"I don't know how you do it." She looked like she might be around thirty five. Very pretty. Very heavy. Was she somebody's mom? Was she here on a Friday night to watch her kids play basketball, or to try to keep her New Year's resolution, or just to be someplace besides home alone? I didn't ask.

"I don't have any choice. I can either do this, or die a fat old man."

I didn't add, "like my father." But that's what I was thinking. I may be an old lion. And I may be so filled with anger and hate sometimes that I have to go hide before I bust... but I am not ready to die.

Not yet.

So, roar on, you old Lion of Winter. The weather prophets say you have a few more good fights in you before March goes out like a lamb. Bring 'em on. Don't give up, you old Lion.

Because every time you find the strength for one more hunt, one more fight, one more shout over the frozen ground that tells the world that you aren't dead yet... you give this old lion hope.

Roar on, Old Lion.

#476: Burning Calories / Earning Calories

"Supermans" image from BarStarzz

After a good breakfast, I hit the gym.

Treadmill Warm-up, 10:00 @ 4.6 mph
Squats
Step-ups
Barbell Bent-over Row
Dumbbell Chest Press
V-Ups on Bench with Plate
Core Series... Plank, Side Plank, Supermans
Recumbent Stationary Bike, 30:00 @ 15 mph

That's a pretty long workout... almost 90 minutes, but I don't teach any group exercise classes today, so I wanted to hit the strength training hard. After three classes, personal training, and my own cardio work tomorrow, I won't be in any mood for weight lifting anyway.

Helped Coach Rita with LIVESTRONG at the YMCA after my shower, then stopped by the drive-through for some protein. Not my first choice, but I have no dead animals at home, and was too bushed to think about shopping and cooking. Of course when I got home and logged everything into myfitnesspal.com, I learned a couple of things.

• While a McDonald's Double Cheeseburger may not be the most wholesome delivery system, it does pack 25 grams of protein along with a manageable 23 grams of fat. The bad surprise for me was that the sucker also hides 1050 grams of sodium... no wonder those "small" drinks have to be so big.
• No matter how righteous that extra set of side planks make you feel at the end of a monster day in the weight room... there's just no good reason to refuel with an 820 calorie Shamrock Shake carrying 23 grams of fat.
• About that sodium... I've been tracking every calorie now for five days, and I'm shocked by how much Na(sty) is hidden in the food I eat. Fat is MUCH easier to control. 

After my post workout indulgence, my food log told me I was running low on calories allowed for supper, so I decided to go buy some with an hour stroll downtown. The walk was nice... cold and dark, but relaxing. I had Emmylou Harris on my headphones, and she always makes my soul feel better. And when I got home, I was able to have a nice salad for supper.

The log I'm using let not only told me that I'd made some poor choices for lunch, it also let me be proactive about  deciding if I should go out for an easy walk, and what I might eat for supper that wouldn't undo all the hard work I did in the gym. I like that. I've tried a lot of online fitness log tools over the years, and none is perfect, but for my present purpose - watching calories in/calories out like a hawk - myfitnesspal.com seems to be pretty effective. Of course, the proof will be in the belt loops, so I'm reserving my endorsement until all those running shorts fit again.

Thoughts on "Eating Clean"

A friend has asked me to reflect a bit on what I mean by the exhortation to "eat clean" that is part of my closing for RBR. Since I'm not a nutritionist, and not even really a very good role model in this regard, I'm going to throw a little shopping list of thoughts down on paper. Pick the ones you like, and pass on the ones that don't ring any bells for you.

• If it's good for you... eat it.
• If it comes from a garden instead of a factory... eat it.
• If your great-great-grandmother would recognize it as food... eat it.
• If you have to wash it first... wash it... then, eat it.
• If it isn't particularly bad for you, and you would never make it yourself... go ahead and eat it if you want to.
• If it isn't particularly good for you... but eating a little bit of it would make you really happy... for heaven's sake, eat it!

• If it has a long list of ingredients... careful.
• If it comes in a jar, a box, or a can... careful.
• If it requires no expiration date... careful.
• If it contains things you would never put in there if you made it at home... careful.
• If Dr. Oz or Jillian or some other celebrity guru says it's the next big thing... do your homework... and be careful.
• If the label says it's "natural," "light," "organic," "healthy," or in any way good for you... be very careful.

• If it comes in rows, stacks, or tightly uniform, geometric shapes... pass.
• If it has a theme song, a cartoon mascot, or a marketing budget... pass.
• If it includes ingredients that you can't recognize, identify, or pronounce... pass.
• If you have a hard time envisioning the process by which it made its way from the farm to the shelf... pass.
• If is is served in a cardboard cup, a Styrofoam clam shell, or out a drive-through window... pass with extreme prejudice.
• If you just kind of have a funny feeling about it... pass without shame.
• If it hurts your teeth, rots your gut, damages your brain, or gives you cancer... don't be stupid.

Those are some of my thoughts about eating clean. What are some of yours?

Sleep well. Eat clean. Lift heavy. Run hard.

Peace,

Bob

Who must confess that before his 16 mile run this morning, he had a cup of coffee with skim milk, and half a dozen glazed donut holes. 'Cause rules are made to be broken...

#416: Of Juice, Smoothies, and Life in the Food Chain.

Yes, I saw it. It seems like everyone has seen it. If you haven't, I recommend Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead for your holiday viewing. It is an inspiring story about a man who saved his own life, then set about helping others to save theirs. Mrs P and I were moved when we saw it, and it has stuck with us.

The means by which the film maker, Joe Cross, saved his life is juicing. Cross is a proponent of a whole foods, plant-based way of eating that uses juicing as a way of extracting nutrients from a large amount of vegetables without having to consume pounds and pounds of fiber in the process. My supper last night involved a mountain of produce that I could never have eaten whole in one sitting. Juicing is an approach to nutrition that makes a lot of sense, and we're giving it a try at our house as we wrap up the old year.

I have a couple of goals with the program. I want to clean out my system a little bit after a Christmas of guilt-free self indulgence. I gorged at Mum's table and pantry like there was no tomorrow. It was fun, but I know that I set myself back a little with all those candies and cookies. I also want to jump start my weight loss program. Coach Carrie and I will be working on getting me down to racing weight as I prepare for my Spring Marathon. I am confident that a juice based diet can help me get there.

So, what are we eating?

• Breakfast yesterday was Carrot, Apple, Ginger Juice: a very simple start to the day. It was sweet and zingy. 
• For lunch I had a Mean Green: a very intense beautifully dark green juice made with cucumber, celery, apples, kale, lemon, and ginger. This is a classic vegetable juice mix, and is a real energy booster. 
• Supper was a unique combination called Sunset Blend. It contained sweet potato, carrot, red bell pepper, beets, apples, and oranges. At first it tasted very earthy, as if I hadn't really cleaned the roots thoroughly, but soon, the rich flavors of the beets and sweet potatoes won me over. I had two helpings of this rosy beauty.

This morning, I fell off the juice wagon a little. I mixed up a smoothie with pineapple, banana, raspberry, yogurt, chia, and almond milk. I was hankering for fiber, and this fruity cocktail should do the trick.

So here I am at day two of my liquid fast. Yesterday, I was feeling very run-down and had a head ache, but I'm not sure that wasn't a combination of fatigue from our long drive home and my body battling whatever the bug was that the family was incubating while we visited. The day after we left, many of them took to their beds, and yesterday, Mrs P hunkered down with the cats, some Kleenex, and a pile of library books for a long weekend under the covers. I feel a lot better today, but don't think I'll run outdoors, just in case I'm fighting that bug myself.

I'm going to stay off the scale until New Years. My weight when I returned home was obscene, and I want to get a little juice boost before I start measuring. In the mean time, my energy is good, my belly feels fine, and I'm not showing any signs of changing colors. All in all, a successful experiment so far.

Peace,
Pennsy

#389: Running for Lent

Yesterday's run:

2.82mi/30:00 @ 6:30 AM, North Y, Red Pegasus, Recovery run, no breaks, 2% grade to 6.0 mph. Nike+ failed.

In the weight room:

Machine circuit,  Legs, Shoulders, and Chest.

Today is Ash Wednesday. At Lent, I try to chose a meaningful fast and a meaningful Lenten devotion. The monks call it a Rule of Life. It's one of the few acts of piety that still touch me. I love Lent. I love the journey from ashes to resurrection. So that's what's on my mind today.

My fast is pretty simple. Dairy Queen. Well, soft serve ice cream in general. Stopping for a cone or a shake has become a daily habit after work or a workout, and I suspect that is a big reason why my weight has plateaued, in spite of my increased training hours. So instead of a large Shamrock Shake, when I feel the craving, I'll say a little prayer of thanksgiving. This may do me a lot of good. I actually quit smoking this way, many years ago.

My devotions are a little more complicated. I've been wasting a lot of time lately. Playing video games. Browsing Facebook. Napping. Those aren't bad things, but I have more important goals than winning at Words with Friends. So here are the things I want to DO for lent.

• Home. Mrs P and I have been very busy and very tired. Our house looks like a place where crazy people live. That makes us crazy. We are going to schedule time to work on the house together and finally finish the task of moving in that we started more than a year ago. We're gonna wear a path to the Goodwill in the next 40 days.
• Health. My marathon training is on track, but I want to become more intentional about my nutrition. I have found that using a food log from time to time helps me to focus on what I'm eating and how I can improve my choices. I'll be logging my Lenten meals, and checking in with Nancy the Dietician at the Y from time to time. 
• Heart. As the days lengthen, it becomes tempting to try to do more. Lots of invitations come in. I start hankering to act or write or any of the million things I do to please myself and avoid chores like taxes and yardwork. When I'm planning my hours, I need to remember that I only have so many of them to spend, and make sure I'm spending them on the things that are most important to me: Mrs P, Running, and my new job as a trainer with LIVESTRONG at the YMCA. Those are the "Big Rocks" I have to make sure are in my jar before I fill in the gaps with other things.
• Hands. I'm not sure what this one is about. I just sort of fell into this "4-H" kind of thing. I guess it means keeping on top of my training. As the days get longer and busier, it will be more tempting to cut  out a workout here and there. To neglect my sleep. To shorten up a long run. A marathon is serious, and possibly dangerous business. I need to continue my resolve to make myself as ready as I can to finish that race in May.

So there's my Lenten Rule of life. It pretty much means sitting down with my planner a couple of times a week and making sure I'm on course. Keeping my schedule aligned with my goals. Prayerfully considering my choices. Living the life God gave back to me with gratitude and purpose.

The Ash Wednesday liturgy puts it this way;

I invite you, therefore, in the name of the Church,to the observance of a holy Lent,by self-examination and repentance;by prayer, fasting, and self-denial;and by reading and meditating on God’s holy Word - (Book of Common Prayer, p.265)

I can live with that.

Peace,
Pennsy

#383: A Week of Workouts

I'm fighting off a cold, so this morning I'm blogging instead of running the 13 miles I had planned. After I wake up a little more, I'm going to the gym to run some hill repeats on the treadmill in solidarity with my friends out there who are doing the real thing. Meanwhile, here's how the week went.


Strength and Cross Training


Here's how my circuit workout is progressing. 

	12/28	12/30	1/2	1/5
Squats	72	86	93	82
Push ups	70	68	81	66
Lunges	23	22	26	27
Planks	120	120	120	120
Leg curls	62	83	88	82
Russian Twist	58	64	91	84
Pull ups	18	20	9	21
Dips	41	41	25	46

 It's pretty clear that I was getting tired by Thursday, even after a day off. I think that's when my cold was starting to catch hold. During my workout, it felt as if my upper body was really weak, but now that I look at the numbers, I see that my arms and shoulders are actually getting stronger. That's the kind of surprise that makes me glad I keep a log.


I started a TRX class on Friday. It really challenged me in a good way. TRX is a body-weight exercise you do using nylon straps hanging from the ceiling. I can't really describe it, so here's a video.

This workout hits all my weak links, engages muscles head to toe all the time, and provides a great, low-impact cardio challenge. I'm going to like this, and will be making it a weekly part of my cross training routine.

One of my favorite parts of the week was a 2 mile walk with my friend Dee Dee on Friday. She's one of my LIVESTRONG  sisters, and has had a much tougher cancer battle than mine. I admire her courage and determination as she continues choosing life. Our walk was a nice way to button-up a good week.

Running


I did quite a bit of work on the treadmill this week. I had trouble finding a machine with a heart rate monitor I could rely on, but for the most part, the pace and distance readings I got from the treadmill were consistent with my Nike+.

Sunday, 11 miles (6.5 LSR, 5 race)
Tuesday, 2.25 miles (Recovery run on Treadmill)
Thursday, 6 miles ( 2 Tempo on Treadmill. 4 intervals)

Thursday's intervals were fun. I was at the Arboretum and my legs were very heavy and tired. I didn't want to bail out on the workout, but I could tell I wasn't going to make it using my usual approach. I switched my watch to 30 second intervals. 0:30 run/0:30 walk. There were a couple of very cool things about this run. I was able to run much harder, because I knew there was a break coming up any second. I was able to recover quickly, because I had only run for 30 seconds. And my time for the four miles was 47:13. That's 11:48 per mile. Essentially, walking half the time did not slow me down. It allowed me to run faster, longer. There's no way I could run 9:00 miles for 20 minutes straight, but that's just what I did, using these very short intervals. Good old Galloway strikes again!

Nutrition

Something weird is happening. I'm gaining weight. This makes no sense to me, but there you have it. I spoke with Nancy, the Dietician at the Y, and her first question was, "are you getting enough protein?" I'm not really sure, so I'll be keeping a food log for the next week, then she and I will sit down and look it over. My body fat is staying pretty consistent, around 23%, but if I'm going to be logging all these miles, I really don't need any extra weight to carry along. Training for a marathon is a really bad time to think about going on a diet, but I don't want my eating to be working against me.

Epiphany


So yesterday was Epiphany: Twelfth Night; the last day of Christmas. For the church, it's the finish of a journey that started way back at the beginning of Advent. Tradition has it that Epiphany is the day the wise men finally made it to Bethlehem to visit the Holy Family. Here's my favorite line from that story.

Then, being divinely warned in a dream that they should not return to Herod, they departed for their own country another way ~ Matthew 2:12

There is a literal meaning to this passage, of course. The magi took a different route home than the one they had traveled to Bethlehem. But I think it means something more.They had made a long, difficult trip, these wise men from the east. Finally, they did what they set out to do: they met Jesus, and the meeting changed them. Their lives were not the same once they saw Christ. They had to live another way. That's the heart of Epiphany, to me. Once you see God in the flesh, once you bear witness to the Holy Spirit in the eyes of another human being, you just can't keep living the way you used to live. If we take Christmas seriously, if we are really willing to take the journey of the Magi, we have a chance to be changed. Once we know that Jesus lives in our neighbors, we can never treat them the same way. Christmas can change us. We can come to the manger just as we are, but like JT says, we can go home another way. 

Merry Christmas, for another year.

Peace,
Pennsy

#340: Sugar, Salt, and Shame... The Detox Run

I came home from rehearsal in a funk last night. We're two weeks from opening and all of our nerves are a little strained. That's perfectly normal. I should be used to it. But for some reason, I was edgy when I walked in the door. The house was filled with psychic noise. The back porch was filled with junk from the old house that needs to be sorted and mostly thrown away. The den was blocked off to keep the dogs out because they had gotten out in the rain and soaked one another in mud. The TV was playing. The washer and dryer were running. The broadband connection was down. I felt bombarded. So I did what any mentally healthy would-be athlete would do... I began eating garbage.

Let's see if I can remember all of it. Two crab salad sandwiches. Chips and cheese dip. Several glasses of lemonade. Half a pint of Hagen-Daz Rum Raisin. A glass of milk. A sleeve of ancient Thin Mints. Oh, and of course, I sat up watching TV until 3:00 in the morning. Sometimes I think it would be simpler to be a drug addict. This morning, I stepped on the scale. I was two pounds heavier than yesterday morning. Two pounds. That's a week's work washed away in an avalanche of sugar and salt.

So what was that all about? I don't know, a whole bunch of things, I guess. Brother's brave battle with cancer. Mrs P's struggles to keep up at work. The impending closing on the old house and the necessity to vacate asap. Dwindling savings. Self doubts about the play. I missed my run yesterday. And of course, the chaotic environment when I got home last night. It all adds up. A couple of miles on the road would probably have cleared my noisy mind, but it was dark and rainy, and I was still a little spooked by Sunday's tumble and redneck encounter. So I made a whole bunch of bad choices, and woke up to the consequences.

Even as I was stuffing poison into my mouth, I was remembering the bad old days before my cancer, when food was my only comfort, my hiding place. Eating soothed me, all 400 pounds of me. I would crunch away my problems and swallow my pain. It was a cowardly kind of suicide, but it was the way I chose. I suppose it's a positive sign that this time I recognized my behavior for what it was: an attempt to bury my worries with my drug of choice. It didn't help. And I woke up feeling ashamed of myself for backsliding into behavior that I was sure I had put behind me.

So, I went for a run.

I had a two miler scheduled, and I intended to press my pace. Now there was even more reason to work hard. I had toxins to sweat out. I decided to jog instead of walking my 30 second breaks. I wanted to see if I could keep up the pace without slowing down to a walk. I ran my first mile in 11:09, faster than I have ever gone before. I felt strong and clean. As I started the long climb at the beginning of mile 2, I realized that I wasn't running to get rid of fat and sugar, I was running to sweat out the shame. The realization spurred me on. During each 3 minute run interval, I pressed to increase my turnover, moving my feet faster and faster without breaking form by over-striding or bobbing up and down. During each 30 second jog break, I tried to glide, slowing down with each step to a pace just barely faster than a walk. I glanced at my watch a couple of times, but couldn't work the math in my head. I felt like I was covering a lot of pavement, but really couldn't tell how fast I was going. I didn't know until I got home that I had run the second mile in 10:59, shaving 10 seconds off of the personal best I had just set a few minutes before. Then I ran the last .6 miles at a 10:38/mile pace. The cool down felt fantastic. I had run reverse splits, each one faster than I had ever run before. My binge had not ruined me. I had not undone all my hard work. I had made a self-destructive choice, recognized it, and changed course. I had no reason to be ashamed.

Now, let's see about putting that back porch in order.

Peace,
Pennsy

#284: Mind, Body, and Mouth

Today started at the dentist. My mouth has changed a little bit, and we needed to adjust my dentures to even out my bite. These changes are partly because of the radiation and partly because of the weight I'm losing. Who knew my mouth was so fat? I'm hoping today's tune up will help me to keep my teeth in my head when I'm singing. Beth, the dental assistant suggested I might try to use a little powdered adhesive when I perform to help keep them in place. They're pretty adamant about not using stickum on a regular basis. If they slip, that means they don't fit properly and I need to go get them adjusted. I'm cool with that. The less chemical goo in my mouth, the better.

It took me a while to finally get to the gym, but I had a good workout once I got there.

* Warm up - 5 minute walk
Woodchoppers - 3 sets by 10 reps each side @ 50 lbs
Dumbbell Deadlifts - 3 by 5 @ 70 (two 35 lb weights)
Curl to Arnold Press - 3 by 10 @ 12.5
* Rest - 5 minute walk
Single Leg Press (seated) - 3 by 20 each side @ 80
Lat Pull - 3 by 12 @ 50
Dumbbell Row (Single) - 3 by 10 each side @ 15
* Cool down - 5 minute walk



The Deadlift. Do it right or you're dead!

I tried to work at a good pace, keeping rest breaks to a minimum. The exercise I had the most trouble with was the Curl/Arnold Press combination. Here's a link if you're want to learn how that movement goes. I had trouble getting my right arm all the way up. That's the side where they took muscle out of my neck, so I'm trying to strengthen whats left of my deltoids over there. I had to start over on the last set, but I did finish. We'll see how I feel in the morning, but right now my muscles feel good, no soreness or aching. That tells me I'm getting stronger and I didn't do anything to hurt myself. That's a big deal, especially when you do deadlifts, even at the light weights I'm lifting. Form is everything when you do this exercise. Do it wrong, and your back can be shot for a long, long time.

On the other hand, the fact that I'm not hurting  may mean that I didn't work hard enough. On the other hand, I've always been a member of the "No Pain, No Pain" school of thought. I think I'll leave the weight levels where they are for now, and try increasing my rep counts for the next workout.

I left squats out today. I considered doing them, I really did, but deadlifts and squats on the same day can really wear you down. The truth is, you could probably make a pretty good workout only doing one of these exercises. Both engage a lot of muscles at once. I don't feel bad about splitting them up on separate days. I'll get squats in on Saturday.

Driving home from the gym, I realized something interesting. I hadn't thought about my teeth the whole time I was there. Usually I am so self conscious about my mouth. Whether the teeth are in our out, I'm always running my tongue over them, making sure they're tight. Checking for sore spots. Being careful not to bite myself. Keeping them moist. In the weight room, I never thought about them once. I hardly ever thing of anything when I'm lifting weights. That is one of the things I love so much about it. You have to be so present when you're moving iron around, even the light weights I'm starting with. When you're doing it right, completing the movements takes everything you have, and that includes your mind as well as your muscles. It is such a great way to spend an hour.

Running/walking is different for me. Most of the cardio exercises, really. My mind tends to drift around when I walk or run. I take in what's around me. I count laps. I fantasize about running a marathon or scoring a touchdown. Sometimes I sing. Sometimes I plan the rest of my day. It's a different kind of relaxation, a more contemplative experience. I'm sure that if I were a real long distance runner, or a sprinter, I would experience the kind of intensity that I get from weight lifting, but I'm not really that advanced. For now, I'm happy with the two different states of mind. It's a nice balance.

On the nutritional front, we had a nice dinner today at a Chinese restaurant in our neighborhood. Lots of chicken and vegetables. Tonight I'm having a piece of thin crust pizza. The pizza commercials used to drive me crazy when I was on the feeding tube. It seemed like every ad was either about pizza or cheeseburgers. I don't over indulge, and I haven't even tried to get my choppers around a burger yet, but it's nice to have a slice now and then. Even if I do have to cut it up into little pieces. Still have to supplement with Ensure-type shakes though. Eating has become much more of a necessity than a pleasure for me. Considering my physical condition, that's not the worst thing in the world.

I haven't weighed myself since the last trip to the doctor. I know my new jeans are getting baggy and my belt is on the last hole. It will be interesting to see how my exercise affects the weight loss. It may actually slow down as I start to replace muscle mass, but I noticed in the locker room mirror that there's still plenty of fat to burn off. That's fine. Let it burn. Besides, my gums are getting thinner!

Peace,

Pennsy

#229: Morning Thunder

Today began with a bang. First a flash, then a bang. We had a lightning strike very close to our house. Close enough that the fire engines went past our front door on the way there. I was relieved that they didn't stop to put out any burning trees in our yard.

Soon after that, Mrs P curled up next to me and moments later, I experienced the morning ritual that has plagued expectant mothers from time immemorial. No, I did not sing, "Oh how I hate to throw up in the morning." But I could have.

I have been pretty much unconscious for the rest of the day. Now here it is almost time for me to take my sleeping pills and I really don't know what the evening will be like.

Our brother-in-law has had a rough day of it, too. He was very sick this morning and wound up in the ER getting fluids for his dehydration. His therapy is all chemo and I don't envy him a bit. I may be miserable from time to time, but I sure don't suffer like some folks do.

We battle my own dryness with Gatorade through the tube and as much water as I can drink, which isn't much. It tastes terrible. I can't imagine trying to eat through this. When the doc told me I would need the tube because I wouldn't want to eat, I thought he was crazy. I have never not wanted to eat. What I imagined was that swallowing would become so painful that I couldn't eat. It never occurred to me that tasting food would become so unpleasant that I would rather have Gatorade shot into a hose in my stomach than have water on my tongue. Score one more for the doc, who I'm glad to say is scoring very well these days.

Beyond that, cancer was pretty boring today. I guess I should be grateful. Boring is pretty rare. I guess what's happening is that I'm skipping ahead to the next step. Now that treatment is almost over, there's not much left to do except wait to see if I'm better. I'm not looking forward to that, because it could be a long wait. In the meantime, I'm looking forward to some of these side effects abating, especially the nausea and the ability to taste. What I wouldn't give to enjoy a nice bowl of clear broth right now.

Now that would be exciting.

Peace,
pennsy

#195: Hey, He Ain't Got No Hair!

Out of the mouths of babes. Today after radiation I had a brainstorm. You don't need to chew pancakes. Mrs P and I made our way to the IHOP and breakfast was a smashing success. Besides the blueberry stack now sitting merrily in my belly, I got to smell fresh, crisp bacon for a while before passing it to my bride who is always willing to help out when there is a bacon surplus problem.

During the meal, a tiny voice piped up in the booth behind us. I love listening to children talking in restaurants, but this one almost made me sneeze milk through my tender, irradiated nose. "Hey, he ain't got no hair!" she cried, delighted at her discovery. Her grown up companions immediately began to shush her in that embarrassed way parents have when what they really want to do is laugh their butts off. Then the kicker. "I want to eat his ears."

By this point, it was all Mrs P could do to stay upright in her seat. After an appropriate pause, I whispered, "I'm sure she isn't talking about me." Mrs P prairie-dogged up out of the booth for a quick scan around the restaurant. "Nope," she said, her face red and tears of laughter streaming, "I'm gonna have to disagree." Apparently, mine was the only bald head within view. It was pretty clear that somebody in our section was either a chemo patient or a neo-Nazi. I'm guessing the parents were relieved that I had no tattoos.

So yeah, I'm bald now. I decided not to wait for the medicine to do its evil on me. And I was getting a little neurotic about grabbing little fingerfuls of hair to see if it was coming out yet. It's much, much cooler in the Kentucky heat, and all my hats fit better, too.

I knew him, Horatio.

It started out as a beard trim. The treatments have stopped my hair from growing, and my mustache in particular had stopped in a really prickly place. It was irritating my lips. I started getting this nasty crusty stuff around my mouth and I really don't need to be discouraging anyone who feels inclined to kiss me right now. So yes, I started out to trim my mustache and wound up shaving my head. I never was much of a one for moderation. In a way, I feel a little phony. I haven't really "earned" my chemo stripes yet. Your hair doesn't fall out after one treatment. On the other hand, it does make me feel more like a warrior. I'm fighting for my life, and I want this cancer to know I'm serious about it..

Besides, I look much younger without all that grey hair. And you must admit, I have a great looking head. Better than this guy, anyway. And check out the scar on my neck. Tell me that isn't a sure fire chick magnet. All I need is a bolt sticking out.

Peace,

Pennsy

Power Cage

What a great name for an apparatus. This one is built by Body-Solid. They call it a power rack, but I like "cage". The language is more muscular somehow.

The power cage is the world's greatest spotter. It doesn't help when you don't need it, and it never fails when you do. You can use it to hold up heavy weights or to keep them from crushing you if something goes wrong. You can pull a bench inside or use the top for a pullup bar. It's not just a great tool, it's a place to be.

For me, the power cage is a symbol of my most ambitious strength goals. It's where I do my heaviest lifting. If I ever build a home gym, a bench and a cage will be my first apparatus purchases.

The cage is also where I load the bar for deadlifts. It inspires me somehow. Yesterday, I started there, and after running out of gas after one set the day before, I lifted a new personal best. It was a great start to a great workout that focused on my chest and upper back.

One thing though -- proper form is crucial when you do this lift, and proper form requires you to keep the bar movement as vertical as possible, right up against your shins and thighs. I made the mistake of wearing shorts and no leg wraps and really barked up my shins on the knurled part of the bar. I'll remember to cover them next time.



One of the guys I really admire approached me during my workout yesterday. He complimented me on my progress, then asked what I was eating to lose weight. He's frustrated that he can't drop pounds. This is a guy who lifts close to his body weight on the bench. I've seen him on the stair climber for close to an hour at a time. He is tremendously fit and he's asking ME how I'm losing weight. I told him about smoothies, salads, fish, and an occasional cheese burger. I also said that when I get stuck, I make a change to my workout, never repeating the same routine twice. I didn't want to say too much because A) he doesn't really need my advice and B) I don't really know what I'm talking about anyway. It made me realize that even athletes can be distracted by an idealized body image.

On the other hand, there's a woman at the gym who has always struck me as a natural. She is lean and muscular and works out like a fiend. I have always admired her, not so much as a sexy woman - which she is - but as a role model for the kind of work ethic I want to bring to the gym. The other day, while talking with one of the handsome young men, she mentioned that she weighed over two-hundred pounds when she started at the gym! This woman is built like an olympian!

There's just no way to tell how your body is going to wind up. You can work your butt off, eat clean, and do everything else right, but ultimately your genes set the limits. One of these people looks like a gymnast, the other like a shot putter. Both inspire me and both work as hard as a person can work. They just have different programming. It's a little daunting to know that no matter how hard I go at it in the gym, my genetics and my age are only going to let me go so far. On the other hand, i really want to find out how far that is. Not so I can look like a body builder or a marathoner - but so I can look and feel like the best Pennsy possible.

Peace,
Pennsy

So the Good News is...

I managed to walk a mile and a half yesterday. There were two courses. One was 2.5 miles and one was 1 mile. So I split the difference by trying the long course, then bailing at 1.5 when the two converged near the start/finish line.

The bad news is that I could not have walked that last mile. There is something really wrong with my legs. The pain is very specific to one site, about halfway between the bottom of my gastrocnemius and the top of my heel. Bearing any weight hurts and when I lock my knees, I cannot raise up on my toes. Mrs P suggested I ask Brad to recommend a sports medicine doc. In the meantime, I'm going to be a Fat Man Lifting and Stretching for a while. The 10K in four weeks just ain't gonna happen on these legs.

I am resolved to not spend a lot of time fretting over this yet. I'll wait and hear what the doctor has to say.

Oh, I almost forgot, I've been experimenting with smoothies this week. I've found several tasty combinations and one that should warn you about -- be very careful how many prunes you put in a smoothie. 'Nuff said.

After the walk yesterday, I went to the health food store and picked up some sample packets of protein powder. I'm trying to eat less meat to cut down on saturated fats, but I need protein to build muscle mass. The big jugs can be quite an investment, so I'm starting with some single envelopes to see if there are any I hate. If I can't stand it, I won't use it. I got some with whey, some with soy, and one that's whey with hemp. After reading a ton of contradictory literature on which type is better, I am taking the position that they're all about the same for my purposes. I'll keep you posted if I develop huge biceps or breasts or something.

Peace,
Pennsy

Keep a-goin'

It's been a strange week of highs and lows. I started out still glowing from finishing the 5K, even as my left leg became weaker and more painful. When a bruise started to form on the back of my calf, it became clear that this was more than just a charley horse.

I consulted "Dr. Google" and checked off my symptoms.

1. Sudden, painful onset
2. Loss of strength
   
3. Painful to the touch
4. Visible bruising

Yup, I strained my calf. Not badly - but you know- badly enough. I had planned to take Monday and Tuesday off from the gym anyway. As it turned out, I couldn't have gotten from the car to the locker room without help. By Wednesday I was feeling some improvement, so I decided to take one more day of rest. I stayed home from work, walked around with Molly a little, and kept the leg wrapped and elevated.

By Thursday I was jonesing so bad for exercise that my skin was crawling. I was irritable at work, losing my temper at one point and slamming both fists on my desk - very melodramatic. I had had enough of frustration. At quitting time I drove right to Promatx. I did a little time on the bike and a little on the elliptical, but cardio was not what I was aching for. (and to be honest, they both hurt my leg a little.) I hit the weights and worked my legs and lower back as hard as I could stand. I was cautious of the injury, but rather than compensating with other muscles, I concentrated on maintaining good form and taking my time.

When I had finished my workout, I was a little lost. I had done all I intended to do, but I really wasn't ready to leave. I stood by the water fountain and looked out over the machines and the faces and the mirrors. I was so damn glad to be back. After a quick sauna, I checked the scale to see how much damage I had done on that front. As I suspected, I had gained two pounds which the meter confirmed was mostly fat. I don't think missing a couple of workouts did that, but filling the idle time with food did. To be honest, I was glad it wasn't worse.

I've been stuck at this weight and body fat % for weeks now. I keep fiddling around, changing this meal, increasing the intensity of that exercise. I'm going to dig out the blender and start making smoothies this weekend. Maybe that will help me to balance my diet a little better. Now it looks like it's going to be at least another week before I can run again. My plan is to spend that time building lean muscle mass in the weight room and learning about food without eating so much of it. I still want to do the July 4 10K here in Lexington, but it's looking more and more like a walk/run than a run/walk right now.

Tonight I had another great workout. I used the resistance bands to warm up for about fifteen minutes, then hit the weight room. Chest and upper back. I love when I finish an exercise and I can feel the muscles across my chest or between my shoulder blades. It's like something coming to life in there.

Slow and Steady. I've decided to take Aesop's Tortoise as my totem. He'll be up there in the corner of the page for a while. I know I'm not a hare. No amount of work will make me one. But patience, determination, and a tough hide will get me where I'm going just the same.

KEEP A-GOIN’

Author: by Frank L. Stanton (1857-1927)

If you strike a thorn or rose,
Keep a-goin'!
If it hails or if it snows,
Keep a-goin'!
'Taint no use to sit an' whine
When the fish ain't on your line;
Bait your hook an' keep a-tryin'--
Keep a-goin'!

When the weather kills your crop,
Keep a-goin'!
Though 'tis work to reach the top,
Keep a-goin'!
S'pose you're out o' ev'ry dime,
Gittin' broke ain't any crime;
Tell the world you're feelin' prime--
Keep a-goin'!

When it looks like all is up,
Keep a-goin'!
Drain the sweetness from the cup,
Keep a-goin'!
See the wild birds on the wing,
Hear the bells that sweetly ring,
When you feel like singin', sing--
Keep a-goin'!

I have no idea why I remembered this poem just now. Reading it again, I am struck by that last stanza. "Drain the sweetness from the cup," That's good stuff. That's American stuff.

Kind of makes a Fat Man feel like singing.

Peace,
Pennsy

Time for a Day Off

I’m taking tomorrow off, but first, I have some business to attend to.

Shameless Plug

Hey, please check out the link to Step Out, the American Diabetes Association walk here in Lexington. I will walk it, may even run some of it. Diabetes has come to the house of Pennsy and I would like to see a stop put to all this nonsense. So cough up a pledge, pardner. Do it and the Fat Man will hoot your name during his historic first public walk. Maybe Mrs P can video the moment and we can figure out how to post it.

Weight Report

My weight did not change last week, still 366, but my body fat percentage is down from 33.1 to 32.8. Not much of a change, but the readings are consistent, and I am still building muscle, especially in my upper body. I hope I reach the tipping point soon and start another big fat burn. The plateau is not a fun place to hang out.

Injury Report

The ankles are improving a little after my big run on Sunday. I’ve learned that Achilles' Tendon pain is pretty common when treadmill runners go out into the real world. I have not run or trod the mill since then, but have been doing bike, steps, and elliptical to keep up my cardio conditioning. I wore elastic compression braces on my ankles today and was pain free. I am doing calf presses every time I encounter a staircase to strengthen the muscles around the Achilles. I really don’t want to see this turn into a chronic thing.

The shoulder (left) just plain hurts. I jerked it somehow during an errant Ball Slam yesterday and the Gremlin is having a field day in there. Other than rest, there’s not much for me to do with it at this point. I’m hoping a couple days off from upper body resistance training will give it a chance to heal.

Fashion Report

I bought some pants that fit yesterday! They are actually a little tighter than I would prefer, but they won’t be for long. They’re pretty ugly, but again, I won’t be this size for very long either. Just passing through the neighborhood of fat-guy pants, on my way to those groovy styles with waists below the half-century mark.

Best Laid Plans

I was going to try to repeat Sunday’s run this weekend, but I may go for something less ambitious. A mile at a reasonable pace will probably do me more good than another pokey 5K that leaves me lame for a week.

I’m also going to start moving from machines to free-weights. There are few movements the machines allow that can’t be done more effectively with dumbbells or barbells. Free weights have the added advantage of working more than one muscle group at a time. While your arms are working to execute a shoulder press, the rest of you is working to keep from tipping over. Having to control the weight with 360º of possible directions is more work than controlling weight that can only move in two. so I’ll start translating some exercises from the machine floor to the free weight floor.

I’m going to try the following program.

• Day one (Monday) - upper body, and moderate cardio (run or cross train)
• Day two - bands, and moderate cardio
• Day three - lower body, and moderate cardio
• Day four - rest.
• Day five - Bands and a long, easy run,
• Day six - long, heavy lifting, and
• Day seven - intense run (pace or endurance)

I’m going to avoid the treadmill for a while. My ankles need to learn how to cope with Mother Earth again, so I’ll try to do the bulk of my running outside.

I’m also realizing that my reluctance to track food is probably more denial than avoidance. Sooner or later, I’m going to have to get more serious about nutrition if I want to replace those last pounds of fat with muscle. If I find myself stuck in a plateau that just won’t give, I’m going to have to break down and do it. For now, I’m just trying to avoid junk and binges. “Those last few pounds” are still buried a long way down.

Peace,
Pennsy

PS>>Hey, don't forget Mother's day! (The cats want me to take them shopping tomorrow night.) Maybe we'll just pile Molly the Dog, Mo, Buddy, Kizmet, Maggie, Sniffy, and Dennis the Nervous Fish into the Honda and go out to IHoP on Sunday. Kizzie loves international cuisine. (Molly just loves farting in the car.)

Pax,
p

Counting on the Fat Man

My weight was higher this week than last, 366 instead of 362, but then I had just done an hour and a half of cardio before last week’s weigh in. I could easily have dropped that much water weight and more with a long workout. This Sunday was weights, not running. It’s probably a more reliable number. I hope I’m not rationalizing this. I worked out five days this week, and ate pretty cleanly, mostly fruits and raw veggies at the meetings and fish, chicken, and salads at night.

I got a body fat detecto-gizmo on Amazon. It looks just like the one that they use at the gym and the readings are close enough that I feel confident using it. My body fat today is 33.1 which is a little lower than two weeks ago. I’ll try to set a consistent time to take that reading so I can get a decent baseline.

Mrs P is going to get out the tape tonight and we’ll do some measurements. Of all the numbers in my life, those are the ones I anticipate will have changed most radically. There is just no debating the fact that my body looks and feels smaller.

The big news of the week for me is that on Friday I ran a full mile for the first time since starting my program. I expected it to be more exhilarating than it was, but it was in the middle of a thirty minute run/walk so I didn’t really have time for a victory dance. Next stop, 1.5 miles without stopping. I just hope it doesn’t take another three months to get there.

Working out was a huge mental boost for me this week. I had all the stress I expected and more at work, but being able to pound it out in the gym really helped me to stay human and sane. None of my “spells” this week.

Back to the iron today. I returned to the weight machines to see how the week of resistance bands had affected me. To tell the truth, I felt a little weaker, but I was able to finish my sets by taking longer breaks between. I may try some combination of bands and machines to keep working the muscles in different ways

The ankle continues to improve, though my left shoulder feels a little sore. I don’t remember hurting it, just discovering that it felt a little queer. I’ll keep an eye on it the next time I do arm work.

Don't tell my horsey friend alykat, but I actually made my first trip to Keeneland this week and did not hate it. The grounds are beautiful. The athletes are beautiful. The girls are beautiful. I don't expect I will ever be a racing fan. I would much rather watch horses running naked in a pasture, but there are much worse ways to spend an afternoon in the Bluegrass than watching beautiful stuff while the guy next to you wins $200 on a $5 bet.

All things considered, a good day at the end of a good week. It’s nice to be the Pennsyltuckian.

Peace,
Pennsy

Punching Rubber and Musings on my Inner Fat Man

I am still surprised at how much the resistance bands wear me out.



The movements Brad taught me emphasize velocity. Each one explodes from its starting point. So you start a chest press with the handles at your shoulders, then punch both arms straight forward as fast as you can. I have tried this kind of movement with weights and it is very hard to keep them under control. It also bangs the joints. The resistance bands don’t seem to stress the joints at all. And sitting here three hours after my workout, I can feel that my muscles were just as surprised as I was.

A nice half hour of intervals on the elliptical finished off the sweaty part of the night, then stretches, a sauna, and shower.

I’m still pretty stoked about yesterday’s weigh-in, but there's thin ice ahead. The next few days are going to be stressful at work. I am only planning to take Wednesday off at the gym, but getting there tomorrow is going to be a squeeze. We will be working in the conference room for most of Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday which means little walking and lots of noshing. I’ll make sure there are plenty of veggies in arms reach. I really don’t want to backslide now.

As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect. - Franz Kafka, The Metamorphosis

A lot of the men at the gym workout in front of mirrors or watch themselves as they do curls or whatever. Maybe they’re watching their form, maybe their just admiring how great their muscles look. I don’t really look that great yet, so I avoid the mirrors. But here at home, I find myself feeling new shapes and ridges in my shoulders and arms that I’ve never felt before. my knees are actually smaller than my calves. My body is changing and it kind of fascinates me to watch the changes.

And sometimes I wonder, when my body has completed this strange metamorphosis, will I change on the inside? Will I be more confident? More assertive? Will I become a bully or a gentle giant? When I stop thinking that people see me as fat, what will I imagine that they see? What will I see?

Just like the sub-300 pound mark and the sub-40 inch waist, I guess I’ll have to wait to find out.

I’d hate to do all this work and just find a skinny fat man inside.

Peace,
Pennsy

You Talking to Me? - or the Tale of the 300 lb Chicken

I worked cardio tonight. About 7 minutes in the stair climber, 30 on the elliptical, 30 on the recumbent bike, and another 15 on the treadmill to cool down. The left knee and right Achilles' tendon both felt better afterwards. Still trying the stretchless workout. I haven’t noticed any ill effects yet.

Are you talking to me?

Tonight, I feel stranger than I have since I started working out. I met with Brad, the owner and head of Promatx today for my quarterly progress review.

We talked about nutrition, of course. I have some things I can do better now. Need to work harder on eating more small meals throughout the day. Right now, I have carbs in the morning and fats and protein in the evening. I need to even that out some.

Having a trainer tell me that I need to eat more was a real shock. But there was an even bigger one.

“What is your goal?”, Brad asked.

“I want to lose 200 lbs.”

“How would you feel about changing that?”

We had just measured my body fat,and it turns out that in order to reach my target weight, I will have to lose almost 50 lbs of lean muscle along with the fat. I was confused. So what should my target be?

Based on my current lean body weight, if I get my body fat down to 18% (not bad for a man of 47) I would weigh 304 lbs! Were I to get down to 10% body fat (pretty fit for anyone of any age) I would weigh around 277.

These numbers have really rattled me. Especially when I consider that since I started working out, I have gained 19 lbs of muscle and lost 53 lbs of fat.

See what’s happening there? My lean weight (in red) is increasing almost 40% as fast as my fat weight (blue) is going down. I don’t have the patience to work the figures at this hour, but it appears to me that if my muscle weight keeps increasing at this rate, I will be at 10% body fat at right around 300 lbs.

I am going to be a trim, muscular 300 lb man. That sentence freaks me out for reasons I can’t even begin to explain. The words seem so incongruous - me...fit...trim...three-hundred pounds -- I can’t even picture what that will look like. It certainly won’t look like anything I have ever imagined myself being.

It’s one thing to count your chickens before they’re hatched, but I’m starting to realize that there’s a very big chicken waiting to peck its way out of this blubbery shell and the bird scares me a little.

Jeremy Likness has posted a series of before/after pictures of himself as he reduced from 30+% to 10% body fat. (245 to 188 lbs)

Frankenpennsy will be 6 inches taller and 112 pounds heavier. - It that even possible? And will I really look that imposing in robin's egg blue underpants? This may send me to the shrink a few months early.

Peace,
Pennsy

Stormy Monday

I listen to SRV and Albert King and I understand why Robert Johnson went to the Crossroads.

Last night at the gym? Feh. Could have been better.

I’m sticking with just lifting weights for my upper body. I set new Personal Records on several weight stations today. The Shoulder Press is still at 50 (2 25 lb dumb bells) but that is a new exercise I'm trying this week, so I don’t expect those muscles to be ready to grow yet.

Cardio was half an hour of intervals on the elliptical. I really need to stay off the treadmill, but I want to run so much. My knees just aren’t interested in my fitness goals right now.

My weigh-in was a disappointment. I gained three pounds. I’ve been eating too much red meat and too many “healthy” snacks like nuts (and maybe a cheeseburger or two). I need to stick to fruits and other low fat things when I want to nosh.

My last plateau was after a 20 lb weight loss, so this may turn out to be a pattern. I want to pay close attention to see if there are behavioral factors too. Do I “reward” myself with food when I’ve lost that much? I’m not sure, but if so that’s a pattern worth changing.

I hate having to pay so much attention to my food. Thinking about eating just makes me want to eat. I’ll find a way to deal with that - one that doesn’t involve chocolate or a drive-through window.

Today is my quarterly review with the trainer. We’ll take measurements, body fat, BMI, all that. I’m looking forward to it. In spite of the small set-backs, I know I’ve made real progress in the last three months. I’ll be glad to see what the new numbers look like.

I’m thinking that one way to work through a plateau is to do something different - to change the exercises that my body is getting used to. I’ll ask for some counsel in that area tonight.

Peace,
Pennsy

Taking It Easy

I have a little puffiness in my right knee. (Pennsy's is hairier). I did some research and found out that it’s pretty common. I’m treating it with RICE: Rest, Ice, Compression, and Elevation. I'm also trying glucosamine instead of aspirin, ibuprofen, acete... Tylenol, and other hard to spell anti-inflammatory drugs. No more running for a while.

My last couple of sessions on the treadmill have been pretty intense, and I guess I overdid it. Not to worry. I can keep my leg up when I’m home, and find other ways to do my cardio at the gym.

I was also feeling kind of sore from my last session with the weights (what a crybaby). I decided to try something different. I used very light weight on each exercise, 60 to 70 percent of what I’ve been doing. I went down to 12 reps, but added a fourth set. I also really focused on keeping my technique perfect by performing each rep very slowly. It took a long time, but It still felt like a workout. I was especially careful with the leg extensions, curls, and squats. I want to strengthen the muscles around the knee without doing any more harm. I don’t want to get hurt badly enough that I have to stay home for an extended period. I missed enough time in the gym with all the business travel I did in March.

Actually, taking it easy in the gym gives me a chance to focus on my diet. I am eating much better than I’m used to, but I’m still far from perfect. I don’t want to start counting calories - the days are just too short - but there are some things I would definitely like to clean up. The last thing I want is for my weight to go back up. That would so suck.

There is a yoga class tonight. I have been wanting to do some work on flexibility. This might be a good opportunity to start learning some exercises that don’t require all that iron. I’ll see how the knee feels after a day of sitting at my desk.

Peace,
Pennsy