Give Up On Giving Up

Are you dead yet? No? Then why are you chasing dead people's goals?

I have at least half a dozen books going right now. I could actually use a few more book marks. One of them is almost finished. The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris has affected me deeply. It is based on ACT therapy, a school of cognitive psychology that emphasizes acceptance and commitment. The idea is that we can't change reality by wishing things were different. That only feeds a cycle of frustration and pain. A healthier approach is to accept feelings, ideas, and circumstances as they are, and include them as part of our journey toward a life that is purposeful, meaningful, and fulfilling. It's about a set of  skills, and it requires a lot of practice. My own therapist filled my mental medicine cabinet with them, and I return to them constantly as I navigate my own life's voyage. I won't try to summarize The Happiness Trap here but I did read an especially meaningful passage today that I want to share.

Don't Set a Dead Person's Goal: Never set as your goal something that a dead person can do better than you. For Example, to stop eating chocolate -- that's something a dead person can do better than you because, no matter what, they'll definitely never, ever eat chocolate again. Or to stop feeling depressed... they'll never feel depressed again. Any goal that is about not doing something or stopping doing something is a dead person's goal... You need to ask yourself, "If I was no longer doing this..., what would I be doing...? How would I be acting differently?"  (p. 186)

God didn't create the universe by getting rid of the stuff He didn't want. He made choices, the way a painter or a point guard does; but instead of dipping a brush into colors or throwing a pass, God spoke new things into being. We are not gods, but each of us is an artist creating our own lives.

Can you imagine trying to teach someone to dance by telling them, "Don't step there. No, not there either. And don't move that way." How meaningless! How impossible. No, you learn to dance by choosing where your body will go, and then discovering how to put it there.

What do you want from life? Do you want to stop being fat? To quit smoking? Lose weight? Banish depression from your life forever? Good news! You are guaranteed to achieve all those things... the second you are dead.

Give up on giving up. Don't waste another second trying to destroy the parts of your life that are not meaningful and fulfilling to you. Instead, try imitating the Creator. Ask what will I do with the next second, the next day, with this year, with this one, long, beautiful lifetime? What direction will I choose that really matters to me? What kind of person do I want to be, and what kind of life can I live as I become that new creature?

Me? I'm starting small. I think I'm going to re-budget some of my late night ice cream hours toward reading books that insightful, compassionate people write. I like the kind of man they are helping me become.

Peace,
Pennsy

Report Card for #reboot2014

A review of my 2014 New Year's resolutions: five simple goals for better living that I called #reboot2014

-- Get weight down to 245/Body fat <20%   B-
47 pounds lost. 22 short of my goal with body fat percentage hovering at 25%. Most of my failing here is due to abuse of food. Rolling this one over to 2015

-- Read/Write 60 min/day:   C+
I did well for a while, even won a prize for a short story, but both activities tapered dramatically when I turned my attention to Frankenstein. I'm not going to lie to you: it was worth the sacrifice. But I'm blocking that hour a day off of my calendar again, starting, well, about 20 minutes ago, actually.

-- Exercise 60 min/day:   B+
Teaching has helped a lot here, and I have to say I feel more fit than ever, but certain data suggests I need to be more intentional about getting my own workouts in. (see goal #1 above)

-- Personal Contact with another human every day.  A
Of all my #reboot2014 goals, this was the one I was most faithful about, and it has returned great dividends in new and renewed friendships. I'm officially declaring this one an established rule for life. Never let a day pass without looking someone in the eye, and trying to see them, and allowing yourself to be seen.

-- Pray for the people I love every day. A-
No, not every day, but the days I skipped were pretty rare. I found this to be an especially healthy way to start my mornings, even before getting out of bed, I call to mind my friends and family, particularly those who are sick or sad or in trouble. I whisper their name. I hold them in my heart. I think of it as pestering God. I figure if I nag him enough, he'll help them just to get me to shut up. It also serves as a meaningful reminder that my life is not all about me. This one has also graduated from good intention to habit. I think I'll keep it.

Tomorrow, I'll share a few that I'm adding for 2015. Till then, Happy New Year, y'all!

Peace,
Bob

Values, Roles, and Goals: A Strategy for Living

What matters to you? There are a lot of ways to answer that question. 

There are people who matter a lot to me: colleagues, clients, and class members at the Y; friends; family; the animals I know and love; strangers I meet. 

There are things that matter: bank account, car; running shoes, computer, favorite books. 

Activities I do matter to me: keeping in touch with people; going to work; exercising; acting; prayer and meditation.

Then there are the principles that I value. What are my principles? They are the answers to this question:

What kind of person do I want to be?

VALUES

Steven Covey, author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People asks it this way: If you could go to your own funeral, what would you want to hear them say about you? I've mentioned my core values before, but as long as I'm imagining my own eulogy, please, indulge my repeating them one more time:

Courage: The will to take action that makes life full, rich, and meaningful

Strength: The ability to act

Compassion: Authentic connections to others

Joy: A spirit of celebration, gratitude, and delight

That's my list. Your values will almost certainly be different. You might say creativity, honor, love, security or duty. There is a whole universe of choices. The idea is to drill down to your foundations and to choose the primary cornerstones upon which you want to build your life.

ROLES

Once you have a clear, simple list of the things that matter most to you, take a look at what you do each day. What are the roles you play? Some of mine are:

Teacher

Athlete

Artist

Friend

Steward

Cancer Warrior

Student

Brother

Son

Neighbor

You might have roles that I don't: 

Parent 

Manager 

Employer 

Pastor 

Spouse 

Healer 

Hostess 

Caregiver 

Advocate

 You can probably just look at your calender or think about your activities from the past week and come up with a dozen roles that you play. 

Now for the hard part. Prioritize them. Which roles engage you the most? Which are you passionate about? What are the three or four roles in which you could best embody your values? 

GOALS

Next comes what may be the hardest question of all:

What ONE THING you could do to make the most positive impact in this role?

That ONE THING is your goal, and finding it can take a lot of thought. It might be something that's never occurred to you before, but I find that my own goals are often things I've considered and dismissed in the past because they were too hard, too time consuming, or too likely to fail. Some will pop right into your head. Some might require several days of contemplation. Here are the roles and goals that are in my windshield right now:

1. Athlete: Raise $10,000 for LIVESTRONG at the YMCA by running a marathon in 2015.
2. Artist: Earn $100 from my writing by the end of the year.
3. Friend: Have meaningful (preferably face to face), contact with another human being every day.
4. Cancer Warrior: Don't miss a single class or scheduled appointment because of depression.

STRATEGY FOR LIVING

I have smaller, more tactical short term goals that are milestones on the road toward my larger ones. I've actually been putting these into practice for the past few weeks: 

1. Get down to 245 pounds 
2. Read and write for an hour every day. 
3. Get out of the house every day.
4. Make LIVESTRONG at the YMCA my number one work priority.

We all have a lot of responsibilities: pay the bills; keep the car in good repair; wash the dishes; pay the taxes. All are important, some are even urgent, but keeping our primary goals always at the top of the list helps us to make daily choices that increase the fulfillment and richness of our lives.

Shall I stop for ice cream? Or call in sick? Or take a nap? Or ask this woman out on a date? When faced with choices, I can use this simple question to guide me: 

Will this action help me to embody my values, or will it lead me away from them?

In future posts, I'll talk more about how these principles are helping me to manage my mental health and increase the quality of my life. But I don't think this way of thinking is only for people with OCD, depression, anxiety, or other mental disorders. I think it is a strategy for living that can be helpful to anyone. 

Peace,

Pennsy

Values, Roles, and Goals, Part 2

In Part 1 of this series, we looked at ways to identify just what our values are, and to discover whether we're living our lives consistently with those values. When we find, as I did, that the way we're living does not reflect what's really important to us, goals can help to bring our life into line. But goals don't just come out of thin air.

How to build a bridge between our values and our goals? Here's an idea that I stole from Stephen Covey, who stole it from someone else, I suppose. Make a list of the roles you play in life. Here's mine, in no particular order:

• Grown-up
• Trainer
• Athlete
• Child of God
• Writer
• Son
• Friend
• Husband

It's going to be interesting to compare your values list with your roles. Remember mine?

1. God
2. Family
3. Fitness
4. Service
5. Finances
6. Hospitality
7. Learning
8. Writing

At first, it may seem like there's a one-to-one relationship between the two lists, but actually, there will be aspects of several values in each role.

As a grown-up, I have responsibilities to take care of my money, to look after my family, to stay fit and to continue to grow spiritually and intellectually. 

In my role as trainer, I have to stay fit and knowledgeable of course, but I also have to offer hospitality and service to my clients.

Do you see how values can shape the roles we all play every day? In Part 3 of this series, we'll take a look at how those values can help to define goals that are meaningful and consistent with the rest of our lives.

Peace,

Bob
Eat clean. Run hard. Lift heavy. Sleep well.

Values, Roles, and Goals, Part 1

Before you get in your car, it's almost always best to know where you are going. Knowing how to get there helps, (of course there's always the GPS or the dreaded "stop and ask for directions,) but knowing where you want to end up is crucial. Otherwise, all you're doing is burning gas and spinning your wheels. Wellness is like that. If you have a goal in mind, you can always find your way, or find someone to point you in the right direction. Otherwise, all you're doing is sweating.

So, how to pick a goal? The first and most important step is to ask youself, "What is important to me?" If you don't know what your values are, what matters to you, then you will never be able to chose a goal that points you in the direction you want to go. Your values are your compass.

So, what are your values? Here's one way to find out. Start with a list of the things you value the most. Mine might look like this:

• God
• Family
• Service
• Fitness
• Writing
• Learning
• Financial security
• Hospitality

Next, find your priorities. Put your list in order of the things you think are most important.

1. God
2. Family
3. Fitness
4. Service
5. Financial Security
6. Hospitality
7. Learning
8. Writing

Now here's the hard part, and the one that requires a lot of honesty. Where do you spend most of your time? What gets most of your energy? Here's the same list, only ranked by my actual personal investment in each.

1. Fitness (3)
2. Service (4)
3. Writing (8)
4. Learning (7)
5. Finances (5)
6. Family (2)
7. God (1)
8. Hospitality (6)

A little out of whack, isn't it? Integrity is when your life and your values are consistent with one another. Looks like mine could use a little polishing.

Fitness is the physical ability to do the things you want to do. Wellness is something bigger. Wellness is getting you mind, body, and spirit firing on all cylinders. Before you even think about exercising, it's worth taking a look at your life as a whole, and seeing just how fitness fits into your wellness program. 

What does my second list say? Looks like this client is using exercise to avoid other, more difficult things. He says he values God and Family above everything else, but he spends less time on them than nearly anything. His pursuits take him inside himself, or outside the house. Looks like the man has some adjusting to do or exercise just might become counter-productive for him: a way to hide from other important parts of his life. 

Next time, we'll look at a way this fellow might use to bring his life back into alignment with his values. Only then will he be able to set goals that contribute meaningfully to his overall wellness.

Peace,

Bob
Eat clean. Run hard. Lift heavy. Sleep well.

#345: What Running is Doing to my Body

Today being the start of a new quarter, I have revised The Tale of the Tape...

	1/20/08	4/27/08	7/20/08	3/17/11	7/1/11	Change
Weight	405	366	357	292	262	(143)
BMI	49.3	44.5	42.9	35.5	32	(17.3)
Body Fat %	43.8	31.1	31.4	29.1	24.5	(14.7)
Lean Mass	228	231	245	207	198	(30)
Resting HR	87	70	68	64	62	(25)
Neck	19	18	18	17.25	16	(3)
Shoulders	59.5	55.5	59.5	55	52	(7.5)
Chest	58	57	58	50	46.5	(11.5)
L Biceps	15.5	16	18	13.5	13	(2.5)
R Biceps	16	16.5	19	14	13	(3)
L Forearm	12.5	12.25	13	11.5	11	(1.5)
R Forearm	13	13	13.75	12	11	(2)
Waist	59	52	50.5	46	43	(16)
Hips	61.5	57.5	56.5	51	48.5	(13)
L Thigh	29.5	30	26	27.5	27	(2.5)
R Thigh	30	30	26	28	27	(3)
L Calf	20.25	20	20	18	18	(2.25)
R Calf	20.5	20	20	18	18	(2.5)

 

So, what's happened to my body since March? First of all, I've lost a lot more weight. I'm giving cancer credit for the first hundred pounds, but the rest is mine. 10 pounds a month. That's a pretty good pace. The BMI is coming down, too. just a few more pounds and I'll be classified as "Overweight," not "Obese." That will be a first. Then there's the Body Fat percentage. I'm encouraged by the way it keeps coming down. I want to get to 20% by the end of the summer, but you can tell from my Lean mass numbers that I've stopped lifting weights. Yes, I'm burning a lot of fat, but I'm also losing some muscle mass, especially in my upper body. I'm not going to fret too much about that. Right now, I'm focused on training for the next couple of races, and I have chosen not to spend so much time in the gym.

 

Overall, I can't help but be pleased. A stranger meeting me for the first time would probably still see a fat man, but the people who have known me a while see a changed man. Soon, I'll be able to buy clothes in a department store! How nice it will be to get all of those multiple Xs out of my closet.

 

So what am I learning? It's never to late to change direction. Patience works. Long, slow runs. Gradual increases of intensity. Consistent training. Mindful eating. Sleeping right. It all works together to make you stronger, faster, and fitter. If a middle-aged fat man can do this, you can, too!

 

I think I'm going to drop the old 2008 numbers from this chart. They really are from a different life, a pre-cancer life. "Pre" a lot of things, come to think of it. I don't really know what the numbers were on the day of my surgery, other than my weight, 397. That was April 16, 2010, a kind of new birthday for me. That was the day I became a survivor, a cancer fighter. That fight, not so much the fight against cancer, but the fight for life is the reason I'm training. I don't know what God has in mind for the rest of my life, but I want to be ready.

 

Peace,

 

Pennsy

Half Way Through

I'm half way through my experiment. I've learned the word for it. It's called periodization. It's where you commit to a routine for a period of weeks or months, employing progressive resistance, then you switch to a different one. For example from heavy weight and low reps, then lower weight, higher reps, and shorter rest periods.

I have been lifting heavy and long (two-plus hours of lifting) with two days of recovery between.

BODY COMPOSITION

Body Weight: 357 >> 352 (-5 lb)
Body Fat: 115 >> 114 (-1 lb )
Lean Body Mass: 242 >> 237 (-4 lb)

The body composition numbers are interesting. My body fat and lean body mass are both going down. I haven't changed my nutrition very much (look, it's never perfect) but my sleep was lousy this week. I had a hard time staying asleep and consequently didn't get up on time. The other thing I noticed about this routine was that only going to the gym three times turned my mood pretty dark. The anti-depressant effect of exercise is something I can't afford to play with. I think that getting the right rest, and being smarter about what and when I eat will make a difference.

My goals for the year are weight 270 and Body Fat 12.5%. That's going to put my lean body mass right about where it is now. I don't know how to manage that change. Obviously excess muscle mass isn't going to be a problem for a while.But I need to manage fat loss without losing lean. I think Cardio is going to be the answer. I want to run, but for now, I need to suck it up and do the boring work on the recumbant bike and the elliptical. It will be a while before I can ride my bike enough to make much difference to my heart. (though my quads are feeling it.)

PERFORMANCE

Bench Press: 155 >> 165 (+ 6%)
Dead Lift: 145 >> 175 (+ 21%)
Squats: 105 >> 175 (+ 67%)
Pushups: 8 >> 10 (+ 25%)

These numbers each tell different stories. The bench press is an exercise I have been pushing on for a while, so I was working close to my max when the week started. The deadlift and squats are fairly new to me and my focus has been on learning proper form without hurting myself. Know I am testing myself more to find my max. I'm close, but not there quite yet. Pushups I just started. I was embarrassed to try because I knew I would suck at them. I just finally decided to start. (no sense waiting until I can bench my own body weight - besides, right now the bigger problem is core strength. My back gives out before my arms.)

SUBJECTIVE IMPRESSIONS

I've already touched on one - I don't like the two days rest. the gym has become an important part of managing my depression. Even if it's just a short trim on the stair climber, I need to be there more often than this.

I am getting stronger in every muscle group. I feel harder and am seeing more muscle.

I miss cardio, emotionally and physically. The big power lifts, squats and deadlifts really test your cardio-pulmonary system. When I finish a set, I am breathless, sometimes dizzy, and yesterday I was slightly queasy for a minute. I recovered soon enough, but eventually cardio is going to be critical to improving those lifts.

The thing I feel good about is that I'm sticking with the plan. I will keep at this for another week before making adjustments. It feels good to stick with my commitment.

And finally my usual whine -- I really miss running.

All in good time.

Peace,
b

Milestones

OK, I am not going to the gym to lose weight. As I say at the top of the blog. I am running for my life. The weight is a measure of progress, it is not the goal.

Still, I was really pleased when the scale read 370 today. That’s 35 lbs lost since January 19. I am encouraged, but I need to keep that in perspective. That’s a little more than 8% of my original body weight. Ultimately, I want to drop 50%. Still, I’m happy with the progress. I am shooting for 2 lbs a week for the next two years. I am ahead of that pace - also encouraging.


I added a short walk and about 10 minutes of stretching before I lift weights. I also added some leg exercises to try to strengthen the muscles around my knee. It feels better every day, and I want to keep moving in that direction. My last cardio day was pretty disappointing - I may just start on the elliptical tomorrow and not even try walking.

Someone suggested that I think about run/walking in a race this summer. a lot of people find that preparing for an event helps them to focus their training. I looked up some races in the Bluegrass, and I’m considering it. There are several 5K’s being sponsored by our running shop, and also a big 10K here on July 4. I think it might be cool to actually get out and run with other people. I am very content with the treadmill for now, but I can imagine a time when I will want to get out and smell the good Kentucky air.

All in all, I have to say I feel pretty good today. I hope you do too.

Peace,
Pennsy

A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and then says them about other people.

Peter McArthur