There are events on the calendar for a change. This afternoon is the head and neck cancer support group. Tomorrow is my CT scan and then I have a rehearsal tomorrow night. Singing without teeth should be an adventure.
I'm apprehensive about the support group. The last meeting freaked me out a little. Lots of stories meant to be encouraging that made me feel worse. Sort of reminded me of the friend who said that AA meetings always made her want to drink. It's the one time that being around other people with cancer really scared me. People three and four years past treatment who still couldn't taste or swallow like they used to. People with hearing aids and dramatically scarring surgeries. It made me realize how much worse off I could have been, but also showed me that I'll probably be living with the consequences of this disease for a long time. When I got home that night I was as sick as I've ever been. I actually threw up in the yard, before I even got into the house. I'm hoping that tonight's meeting is a little less dramatic.
Tomorrow's scan, I've talked plenty about. It will just be a little ride through the big donut. The exciting part of that adventure comes on Monday when they tell me what they see.
The rehearsal is going to be a small one. Just me, the director, and one other actor going over some music (I think.) They are nice people and they know me, so I'm not worried about being judged or anything like that. Nevertheless, I'm very self conscious about my speech. I expect to be pretty frustrated by the sounds my mouth won't let me make yet. I've always been especially vain about my voice, so I guess this is going to be a real character builder. Still, I can't wait for the go ahead on the new teeth.
It's another beautiful day in the Bluegrass. The girls and I are getting ready to go spend some time in it. It will be nice to have some things to accomplish before I go back to worrying.
Peace,
Pennsy
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