It's a surprisingly good day. I'm starting to resign myself to the idea of waiting. Mum and I joked yesterday about how silly we'll all feel on Monday when the doc tells us there's nothing wrong. That would be a good problem to have to deal with.
Cancer has radically changed the way I worry about things. I've always preached that stuff about "Consider the lilies" and whatnot. You know, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change." if you want to stay sane with cancer, you have to do more than just preach that stuff. The stakes are so high, and the worst cases so terrible that letting yourself get too far ahead would drive you crazy. Don't let me kid you, I worry. I'm not some kind of mental master. I still get scared of what might happen. But I'm a lot happier when I give my mind something else to do. Having that rehearsal this week was really a blessing. Even if I did feel "Rode hard and put up wet" when it was over. I've been living on the buzz for two days.
Today we have some guests coming to visit. Our niece and nephew-in-law are coming over before the big UK vs. Western Ky University football game tonight. It will be great to have some youthful energy in the house for a while. All us geezers are getting on one another's nerves a little. It's always good to have to put on your company manners. Even if it is only for an hour or so.
Tomorrow, I'd like to go to church. I haven't been in a while, and I feel a little like a phony only showing up when I need something. I haven't been struck by lightening yet, so I don't guess God minds too much. I have friends there, including other cancer fighters, and it does my heart good to get a little unconditional love, whatever my own motivation might be.
Besides, I guess there are worse reasons to go to church than loving one another. Come to think of it, I'm not sure there's a better one.
Peace,
Pennsy
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